Ep 002 // Starting Over Again

Oh the way our age makes us feel ‘too’ old to do anything…

Why does starting over feel so much heavier the older we get? Is it because we know what we’re leaving behind? Or because we don’t know what’s ahead?

I have lived in three different countries, nine different states. I went to two elementary schools, three middle schools, and two high schools. I have started over more times than I can count. And yet—this feels the biggest.

Maybe because it’s happening right now. Maybe because I still haven’t fully caught up to it. Maybe because the older you get, the heavier starting over feels. Like every move carries the weight of all the ones before it.

And maybe that’s why it took me a year to let go. A year to loosen my grip, to admit that home had started to feel smaller, like I had outgrown it, like maybe it had outgrown me too.  That strange in-between—no longer where you were, not yet where you’re going. Like trying on clothes that don’t fit. So you start fresh, even when you don’t quite feel ready.

And I know how this goes.
The first week always feels like wandering, like waiting for the familiar to appear.
Finding a new corner store, a new way home, a new sunset spot.
Learning where the good bread is, who makes the best coffee.
Figuring out how to say "excuse me and "sorry" and "thank you" in a language that isn’t mine.

But this time, I’m not doing it alone. This time, I’m moving for love. This time, I’m moving back across the ocean, closer to family that once felt too far.

And still—who’s to say where I’ll be five years from now? Because five years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined this. Starting over. Again. In a country where I don’t know the language, don’t know the streets, don’t know a single familiar face.

Maybe this is who I was always meant to be—rooted in movement, at home in the in-between. Because really, how rare is it to stand at a crossroads and get to choose your own adventure?

You’d think starting over would get easier the older we get—because we know ourselves better. But maybe, if we don’t yet, a fresh start is exactly what we need.

To meet the parts of ourselves we haven’t discovered.
To step into the unknown and find a whole new world within.

And if there’s one thing I know— It’s that I’ll find my way.